My Testimony

I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

When I was a teenager, I would share with my friends beliefs I have about the gospel. They would ask me, "But how do you KNOW it's true?"

It took me a while to figure out why I knew.


When one has a confirmation from the Spirit, this brings a knowledge that is spiritual in nature. It is not based on the five senses. It speaks directly to the heart. Yet it is as powerful as watching the sun set, jumping into icy water or hearing some one say "I love you." It becomes irrefutable spiritual knowledge.

In fact, I can remember spiritual experiences with greater recall then everyday experiences. I remember what it felt like when I was baptized and received the Holy Ghost, yet I can barely remember anything else about that day.  I can remember the beautiful Spirit I felt when I received my patriarchal blessing, yet I have no idea what I wore that day. I can remember the first time I finished reading the Book of Mormon and praying whether it was true. But I can't remember what day it was.  

When the Spirit whispers truth to me, it can be a completely encompassing moment. I feel warmth all over, I feel emotional and  my mind sees truth. Truth seeks deep into my soul.

My testimony has grown as I have. As a child, I remember certain things that just seemed right, like I had always known them.  There are other principles that I have had to experience, pray about and work through to gain a testimony. My testimony is still growing. It is something very much alive and must be nurtured like a tender plant.  

Having grown plants, I now understand this principle. When you first plant a seed, it is very fragile. Too much water, sun light and fertilizer are just as detrimental to a plant as too little. Much care must be taken. Once the plant becomes stronger, you can't leave it alone. If you want good fruit, you must continually take care of the plant.  In fact, I have found that a testimony is so much like a plant that if neglected for a week, the plant will start to wither. We must care daily for our testimony through prayer, scripture reading, service and an eye single to God.


I believe that there are certain key principles to my testimony.

• I know God lives! He is the Father of my Spirit. He is the Creator of the great plan of Salvation. 

"And ^aworlds without number have I ^bcreated; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the ^cSon I ^dcreated them, which is mine ^eOnly Begotten." Moses 1:33

Why did God do this?

    "For behold, this is my ^awork and my ^bglory—to bring to pass

 the ^cimmortality and ^deternal ^elife of man." 

 Moses 1:39

• His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, came to this earth and worked out the Atonement personally, for each of us. He is the Creator, the author and finisher of our faith. He loves each of us dearly as witnessed by the nail prints in His hands. In all He does, He and the Father are One. He wants us to become like Him. 

Matt 11:28 ¶^aCome unto me, all ye that ^blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ^crest.

 29 Take my ^ayoke upon you, and ^blearn of me; for I am ^cmeek and^dlowly in ^eheart: and ye shall find ^frest unto your souls.

 30 For my yoke is ^aeasy, and my burden is light.

• Christ restored His church again on this earth in its fullness, through the prophet Joseph Smith.  Joseph's simple pray of which church to join was answered by a heavenly visit from God, the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

 Joseph Smith, the ^aProphet and ^bSeer of the Lord, has done more, ^csave Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it. In the short space of twenty years, he has brought forth the Book of Mormon, which he translated by the gift and power of God, and has been the means of publishing it on two continents; has sent the ^dfulness of the everlasting gospel, which it contained, to the four quarters of the earth; has brought forth the revelations and commandments which compose this book of Doctrine and Covenants, and many other wise documents and instructions for the benefit of the children of men; gathered many thousands of the Latter-day Saints, founded a great city, and left a fame and name that cannot be slain. He lived great, and he died great in the eyes of God and his people; and like most of the Lord’s anointed in ancient times, has sealed his mission and his works with his own ^eblood; and so has his brother Hyrum. In life they were not divided, and in death they were not ^fseparated! Doctrine and Covenants 135:3

• Joseph Smith did indeed translate plates of  scripture kept by ancient people of the Americas. This book of scripture is The Book of Mormon. It is another testament of Jesus Christ. I have read it many times. I know it is the true word of God. I feel the Spirit as I read it and know that as we live the principles found in this book, we can become like Christ.

We believe the ^aBible to be the ^bword of God as far as it is translated ^ccorrectly; 

we also believe the ^dBook of Mormon to be the word of God.

Articles of Faith #8

• As in times of old, we, too, have a living prophet: President Thomas S. Monson. He has the Priesthood authority given him by God to lead His church in these Latter-days. 

We believe that a man must be ^acalled of God, by ^bprophecy,

 and by the laying on of ^chands by those who are in ^dauthority, to^epreach the Gospel 

and administer in the ^fordinances thereof.     

          Articles of Faith #5 

He will not lead us astray.

“The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as President of this Church to lead you astray. It is not in the programme. It is not in the mind of God. If I were to attempt that, the Lord would remove me out of my place” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Wilford Woodruff[2004], 199).

We are each given the seeds.

We have a choice. 

We can plant these seeds and nurture them OR we can cast them on the wayside.

What will you do?

I know it, I love it, I live it!

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My parents are members as well so I was brought up in the faith. I was baptized when I was 8 years old. As far back as I can remember I have known that God exists and is the literal Heavenly Father of every human being's spirit. The Spirit of Truth has whispered to my soul the divinity of the Plan of Salvation: the path that takes us back to live again with our Father according to our faith and obedience in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 As I have lived my life, I have had many opportunities and experiences that have shaped me into who I am today and hopefully I will continue to become a better person. I have miles to go as my family can attest.
But I also know that my Savior is always reaching for me to lift me up as I turn to Him for help. I have made mistakes and rebelled against the Lord but I know that as I repent the Lord will forgive me. It is hard work and many times I do not feel worthy of the love of my Savior, but I also feel the peace the Atonement brings.

I have often felt the desire to share these things. Perhaps this format will fulfill this yearning.

I wanted to write some things on my blog to help others who may be struggling in their lives to know who they are and for what purpose they have come to earth. Every so often I will write about a certain gem of truth. It will be like a personal study notebook. It will be very rough and full of my weaknesses. Yet it is all for the glory of my God.

So here goes. . .

Whisperings of truth

I have been reading many Near Death Experience (NDE) books during this past year. It all started with Lance Richardson's book called The Message.  It was written by a man whose son is on my own son's football team. He has passed on since writing the book but his message to mankind continues to live on. This particular book was so inspiring and I truly have felt like it was a gift from heaven after coming out of a difficult period in my life. I was awakened anew to my purpose here on earth and the mission I still have yet to fulfill. I also don't feel so alone on earth anymore knowing there are people greatly interested in our progress. The experiences we participate in no longer seem as meaningless.

I have since read Embraced by the Light, Led by the Hand of Christ, Proof of Heaven, Life Everlasting, The boy who came back from heaven, I saw Heaven, Visions of Glory  and a couple volumes called Beyond the Veil.The familiarity of the experiences these people have had continues to touch me deeply. Each of these books share a similar essence. There is indeed a spirit in these books like no other, excepting the scriptures.

Reading these books stirs the remembrance of long forgotten learnings. The deep and glorious love that is felt by these people during a NDE used to be the life blood of our very existence. We were eternally wrapped in God's glory. Now we are here on this earth wandering around, seeking this love but are many times lost. Knowing there are people that have passed on that are truly interested in our well being should wipe away our tears of loneliness. We have angels that watch over us.

There is a plan for us.  Death is not the end.

After reading these books, I do not fear death like I used to.  Death is merely a gate we must all pass through to continue our experiences. What made me fearful was the unknown.  These books have painted a beautiful picture of what heaven will be like and I look forward to the day I have competed this earthly stage and can move on to greater service enveloped in the love of God.

I think of all the people who have paved the way here on earth for those to follow. To name a few:  Adam and Eve; all the many prophets, Noah, Enoch, Moses, the brother of Jared, Ether; especially my favorites, such as Nephi, Jacob, Alma, Abinadi, Captain Moroni, Ammon and Aaron, and many others; of course, My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ; the Founding Fathers; the prophet of the Restoration, Joseph Smith and all my beloved ancestors and family members. I am so very grateful for their love and sacrifice.

The lesson from these books of most importance is the following truth. Neither power, prestige nor pecuniary influence will do us a bit of good when we meet up with our Maker. Only how we treated those around us in service and love. I saw Heaven spoke about forgiving others but especially ourselves. The Message and Embraced by the Light shared experiences of visiting with the Founding Fathers. We are admonished to value truth, righteousness and freedom or we will lose our great country.

My heart has been touch by these stories in a life changing way.  I am grateful to the people who have had these experiences and the courage they had in sharing them. They are very special and sacred.

It's a beautiful day!

A mother's pride is boundless.

My amazing daughter is graduating today and my joy is incredible. This final year of school has been a roller coaster ride.  There have been lots of struggles, arguments and posturing. But it has all been for a good purpose.  The growth of my beautiful daughter. She may wonder why I have been so "nosy" about her life but it is all because I love her. I am interested in her. Inquisitive. Caring. I have always wanted the best for her. Sadly, she must deal with an all too human mother, as well, who makes mistakes. But someday she will see my attention on her personal life as a blessing.

I know that God wants us to be our best self. This is shown by the trials He gives us that continually stretch us and make us better if we choose to learn from them. We cannot get stronger unless we exercise our body. This includes our physical, intellectual and spiritual strength.  On this day of celebration for all the hard work my daughter has accomplished, I shout my praise and adoration for you. Always remember to press forward with an eye single to the glory of God.

 The ^aglory of God is ^bintelligence, or, in other words, ^clight and truth. 

D&C 93:36

How to make the day brighter

I believe the single most important thing we can do every day is inviting the Spirit of the Lord into our heart.

During the time that I was consumed with playing my game, rarely did I make efforts to feel the Spirit.  If I prayed, it was half-hearted. When I did feel the Spirit, it was sporadic. This was due fully to the effort I expended and it was not much.

I remember not too long ago, after I had quit my game, that I heard something that has been a huge influence on helping me continue to change. The bishop in my ward challenged us to do something every day to bring the Spirit into our heart.  It could be reading the scriptures or listening to a conference talk.  It could be listening to uplifting music.  Really anything that touches the heart and invites the Spirit.

So I decided I would try this experiment.

I started reading the Book of Mormon more diligently and was able to finish reading it last December.  I replaced the music I listened to with more uplifting things.  I started to listen to conference talks on my smart phone.  I cut down on the time I spent on the Internet.  I started reading self-help and inspirational books. I pled with the Lord to strengthen me in my daily activities. I began reading the Doctrine & Covenants.

I can now testify of the truth of these words. The Lord has blessed me immensely in my efforts.  As I have sought to do those things that invite the Spirit, I have absolutely felt His presence. I also  know the power of prayer. I look back each day and am amazed at the things I have been able to accomplish as I ask in faith.  This has been a huge blessing as I have realized how my MS is sapping my strength. I only have so much and need so much more.

I know the Holy Ghost is real and is a member of the Godhead. We have great need of the Testator. I have tasted time and again of the Spirit and it is delicious to the soul! May we all experiment upon the word and come more fully to the Lord by doing those things that invite the Spirit so that we may be guided back to Eternal Life.

45 For the ^aword of the Lord is truth, and whatsoever

 is truth is ^blight, and whatsoever is light is ^cSpirit, even the Spirit of Jesus Christ.

 46 And the ^aSpirit giveth ^blight to ^cevery man that cometh into the world; and the Spirit enlighteneth every man through the world, that hearkeneth to the voice of the Spirit.

 47 And every one that hearkeneth to the voice of the Spirit

 ^acometh unto God, even the Father.

Doctrine & Covenants 84:45-47

A benefit of Gratitude

There is a sickness that is plaguing many souls these days. I admit, I struggle with it as well.  For whatever reason, there is this constant need to compare ourselves with others. We wish our bodies were more beautiful, like that one airbrushed actress. We wish our children were better behaved, like the neighbor's down the street. We wish we had more money,  like our boss appears to have. We wish we were more popular, like that lady who has a gaggle of friends, etc. . . the list could go on and on. However fun this game may seem in the beginning, it has dire consequences in the end.

When we start down the comparison road, we also start chipping away at our sense of self-worth.  Inevitably, we compare our greatest weaknesses with someone else strengths.  As we can only see the outward appearances of those around us, we fail to factor in that same someone's inner struggles and weaknesses.  Shockingly, they are similar to our own.  We all have trials we struggle with. God has given us each specific trials that will mold our lives into the beautiful masterpiece he sees in us. He knows our Divine worth.

I was pondering this element of the natural man the other day and came to a shocking conclusion that comparing ourselves to others is a part of coveting.  Coveting is wishing obsessively for something that is not ours. I believe when we compare ourselves to others, we are doing this to a certain extent.  It is poisonous to our soul. We begin to wish we were different and forget the great talents and abilities God has bestowed upon us. I think it is wonderful to have a desire to become a better person, but not to the detriment of our core being by wishing we were someone else. We should desire to become more for the right reason, becoming who God wants us to be.

The way to combat these covetous tendencies is to replace them with positive thoughts. The remedy is gratitude.   When we feel gratitude toward our Heavenly Father for the things He has blessed us with, we feel at peace with who we are.  We see our true inner beauty and it shines brightly on our countenance.  We are grateful for the blessed spirits we are able to nurture no matter what their disposition.  We are content with what material things we do have.  We glory in the relationships we can strengthen.

Gratitude combats all covetous thoughts. Gratitude softens the heart. When we feel more gratitude, we begin to have the desire to share these same feelings with others.  We become more generous, sharing our love, our talents and our material things.  We compare ourselves less and less as we seek for the comfort of others more and more.  We become less selfish and more self-less. Empathy comes as we realize other peoples struggles are like our own and we want to comfort those in need. As we do this we become Saints of God.

That ye ^acontend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it,

 and take upon you the ^bname of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, 

and ^cworship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in ^dthanksgiving daily, for the many ^emercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you.

Alma 34:38 

Un Tributo a mi Madre

Since Mother's Day is fast approaching, I wanted to write a tribute to my wonderful mother.  I have not been the best daughter, not always sending the best gift on that day.  My mother deserves so much more than I have given her in the past. Maybe this will make up for my negligence, in some small way.

The following are attributes that have had and continue to be a great influence in me, many of which are only becoming more clear to me as I experience more in my life.  I am eternally thankful for these, mi madre:

One of my most treasured gifts that my mother nurtured in me is a love of music.  Music  is such an integral part of my life, I don't know what I would be without it. My mother taught me to play the piano at a young age.  She would spend Saturday mornings teaching theory classes which I quite enjoyed.  There would always be music floating in the air at our home, whether it was on the classical radio station or someone practicing.  My mother liked to sing and I remember feeling great comfort hearing her happy voice. I had the opportunity to learn to play the flute so piano was set aside. My mother selflessly created opportunities for me to take flute lessons for many years and bought a new flute for me that I have ever been grateful for. Playing the flute has always been such a joy.  It hasn't always been easy but I am so grateful I have this talent.

A side benefit of playing music is hearing it often. At an early age, I became tuned into music that touches my soul.  My most favorite primary song is "My Heavenly Father Loves Me," which somehow, thanks to my mother, I had to sing once in sacrament meeting.  I truly savor music that speaks to my soul.  Some of my very favorite songs are "This is the Christ," "Savior Redeemer of my Soul," "Be Still my Soul" and "Come thou Fount of Every Blessing" to name just a few. I also love stirring movie soundtracks and classical music such as Barber's "Adagio for strings" and Vaughn Williams' "Variations on a theme by Thomas Talis."  My list could go on and on. As a result of music in my childhood, I cannot help but have something playing at my house every day as I clean.  I especially cherish songs that bring the Spirit of the Lord into my home, although I admit it is fun to have other lively ones as well.

The next great attribute my mother nurtured in me is the desire to work.  I can not thank her enough for teaching me the virtue of hard work.  I have not always appreciated it.  I did not enjoy cleaning as a child except for those solitary moments when I was assigned the bathroom and I would clean it to a shining glow.  I have struggled myself, trying to teach my children cleanliness.  There is always a mess at home, except for maybe the few moments before the kids come home after I have finished cleaning all morning. But the difference I feel between doing not much of anything and tackling a messy room is substantial. The sense of accomplishment I feel afterwards is worth the labor.  It has taken a long time to temper the disappointment I feel (and I still struggle) when I have to start it all over again in the morning.  I know God has a lesson in it all.  Maybe the biggest is just learning to serve my children over and over everyday.

This takes me to my next attribute.  This one I am still in an infantile state but my mother is such a great example of it that she helps me strive to be better.  It is the attribute of service.  Everyday of my mother's life that I can remember, she was serving someone. For a long time, it was to an ungrateful bunch of kids. As I have had my own children, I see what an amazing person she continues to become. My mother was far from perfect. She chewed on us every so often but most of the time she did her motherly duties of cleaning, making dinner, laundry, etc. without complaint.  I cannot even come near that attitude.  Ask my kids.  They will tell you that their mom's a grump.

The next attribute, I can only dream of matching her depth, is her faith in Jesus Christ.  She believes.  She knows. I have always felt her strength and perhaps this is why I have never doubted. As I have seen more of her struggles, that weren't quite so obvious as a child, I have marveled at her absolute belief that God will bless her in whatever way she needs.  I know that her strength has influenced my testimony of Christ. A segment of this attribute is commitment.  My mother has steadfastly demonstrated commitment to God and in other aspects of her life that has truly been humbling. She has strength,  She has courage.  In the face of great trial, she has pressed forward into the darkness. My mother truly is an angel.

Thank you, my mother, for being the divine woman that you are, for bringing me into this life and for selflessly serving me all my days.  You are truly a woman of God.

A final note I cannot leave out is the fearlessness you showed when getting on Shadow. What a great day that was, sharing my love of horses with you.  Your the best, mom.

My little girl all grown up

A little over 18 years ago, a beautiful baby girl was sent from heaven on wings of angels.  When she first entered this world, all she did was blink. And blink and blink.  The good doctor decided she needed a little encouragement to stretch her lungs but she didn't comply for long.  Her mellow personality has been an integral part of her ever since.  It is only broken when she feels an injustice is being perpetrated.  Sadly, I am a bumbling fool who more times then not deserves such indignation. Patience. I am still in remedial school for the parents of teenagers. And it's likely I'll be taking the class over and yet again.

As graduation approaches, I am amazed that these wrapping up days have come so soon.  Wasn't she two just a little bit ago? I used to sing to her and read stories at bedtime.  She was so yummy to snuggle.  She loved to play with her dad, climbing on his back to play horsey and wrestle.  Usually you could find her playing in the kitchen drawers or poking the kitty. It wasn't too long before she was sharing the limelight with a baby brother. But so many times she was complimented on her beautiful curls and long lashes.

Wasn't she four recently? We learned the alphabet together.  We would draw pictures and make crafty things. Making cookies was so fun. She would have little adventures outside in the backyard with her brother, digging in the sandbox and riding her tricycle.  When it snowed we tried to make a snowman. Hours were spent playing with dollies.  If it was quiet, usually you could find her tying the kitty to the door handle or maybe even her brothers.

Wasn't she six just yesterday? We would go to the park as a family and enjoy picnics.  We often played with cousins.  Many days she would be playing outside, planting seeds or coloring the sidewalk with chalk. She probably just remembers having to clean her room. I remember sending her to kindergarten on the first day. I was so excited for her.  I am sure she was scared but she acted so brave. It wasn't her strong point to be out-going. When she came home, there were tears in my eyes knowing she survived and realizing what a big girl she was.  Why couldn't she stay little forever?

My little girl is eight? How is that so? She looked so beautiful and uncannily wise in her white baptismal dress.  She has always been so observant about how the world functions.  At this tender age she was so thoughtful toward her siblings, watching over them, playing games with them and loving them. Many times I would witness her tenderness. She became an avid reader devouring loads of library books. She had a special friend, Olivia whom shared like interests.  Once they grew some pumpkins at the park down the road.

Ten?? She loved to come with me to ride the horses.  She has always been a natural.  Caring for creatures has help mold her into the compassionate person she is today.  She had a goat named Autumn she took great care of. She also enjoyed caring for the kitties, dog and chickens.  She would play out in the fields, on the chicken house and carting the kids around on an old pull-cart. She would help me take care of the horses and we would go on rides around the field.

My little girl was now a young woman.  At twelve she enjoyed learning new cooking skills.  Once she made a baked Alaska for her little sister.  It was magnificent! She was spreading her wings and tasting all the possibilities of life.  She learned to play the flute which would later take her on adventures to California and even Hawaii. She grew in her talents and abilities while always caring for those around her.  She became the big sister to twins. What a life saver she was. But did it dampened her growth? I guess I won't know.

Fourteen?? She helped to care for Ginger's puppies and earned enough money to buy Twix. She did an awesome job taking care of her and training her. During this time she worked on her personal progress and her testimony of the Gospel deepened. She started high school and joined the marching band. She became even busier.

Sweet sixteen and it's time to drive. She passed her driver's ed with flying colors. She began work at KFC. We see less and less of her.  She always looked so beautiful for every dance she attended with a young man.  Her values are strengthened as she makes deep commits for her future life away from home. She excels in school and increases her flute playing talent. She decides that nursing may be her chosen occupation. How that just fits her!

Eighteen, and finally her bumbling mother gives her a surprise birthday party. It was so great to see the love her friends have for her. We go together to vote early. My how grown my daughter is. More often tears fill my eyes seeing how amazing she has become.  How seldom I have told her how proud I am of her, at least in ways she believes me. Now she is contemplating a mission which she has desired over since she was young. How strong she is. Yet how tender as well.

Here I am realizing how little time there is left before she is off on her own. I watched her band concert in which they honor the seniors.  Tears again filled my eyes. How grown up she is! Big plans she has for a mission and nursing school.  Will she ever realize how proud I am of her.  How dearly I have loved this child, though many mistakes I have made. This tribute is to you daughter, lest you ever forget!

Baby-steps

I have been debating whether to sell my six-year old horse, Red.  Last year, I burned myself out trying to complete my goal of getting him up into the mountains on trail rides.  My body just doesn't seem to have the fortitude it once had and I have had a hard time learning my limitations.  My brain wants to do so much more than my body has strength. Lately, I am learning to lean on the Lord for strength, though and perhaps I will be afforded this strength as I continue to work with Red, as I ask for it.

I also have been asking the Lord for guidance in my life, wanting to learn to a greater degree how to receive inspiration, revelation and guidance in my life, especially as I have a desire to serve the Lord. I have been studying the Doctrine & Covenants this year and have found a great complementary resource as I study:  Revelations of the Restoration, by Joseph Fielding McConkie. I was in the middle of the commentary about Oliver Cowdrey translating the Golden Plates, sections 7-9, when I had some interesting experiences which I will now relate.

Earlier in the week, I was busily vacuuming my dining room and went over to the tile area by the door to the garage.  I was leaning over using the noozle in the tile grout lines when I had a thought come to me that Paul was going to open the door.  I quickly brushed away the thought since it seemed like an odd time for Paul to be home and continued to vacuum, shifting my body (I have always had a fear of the door knob being slammed into the side of my head). Not two seconds later, Paul opens the door running into the vacuum! I stared at him in utter amazement. I then quickly told him why I was so shocked and for the next little while, I tried to memorize what that first warning thought felt like.

A few days later, I was solidifying a song "Into the West" that I would be playing at the Ward talent show Saturday night with a friend. She would be playing the harp and I would be on my flute.  We practiced together and I felt pretty good about doing it.  I also scheduled a block of time to ride my horses at a friend's pasture Saturday around 11am.  It seems like it was on Friday morning, that I had a fleeting thought/image of me hurting my arm while riding my horses so that I could not play my flute after all for the talent show.  I have had fatalistic thoughts in the past about my welfare so I just brushed it off as my imagination running wild. 

I didn't think much more of it but continued with my plans.  After I came home from a morning soccer game, I cleaned my kitchen, thinking it would be better to do it earlier then after I ride because of my full schedule (going to the dump and preparing spaghetti all before the 5:30pm Dinner/Talent show). I head out to the pasture to ride with my oldest daughter in tow.

We get to the pasture and we hitch up very quickly. A minor mishap of trailer brakes being locked is quickly remedied with a phone call: unplug the trailer lights.  We load up Red and Shadow.  They seem eager go on a trip.  Romy seems exceptionally frantic being left behind.  We get to the pasture five minutes later and unload the horses. Red is pretty nervous to be left in the trailer by himself and quickly wants to fix that "oversight" by spinning around inside the trailer, leaving it shaking. He quivers for a bit while I stand in the apex of the slant-load, wondering if he is going to step back and squish me. We both shakily get out of the trailer.

I decide it would be best if he has a long session in the round pen.  He runs for quite a while on his own accord, shaking off the winter cobwebs.  After about 20 minutes, I pull him out as him seems more level headed.  I tie him up to the trailer and tack him up.  I marvel at how much better he is doing then the same time the year previous. I finish getting him equipped and we head out to the arena.  I decided I would lounge him a bit inside the arena just to reacquaint him with side reins and the arena ambiance.  After going both directions for a couple minutes, praising him for doing so well, I tie him off to the side of his saddle to limber up his neck muscles.  While he is doing this, I take my extra equipment over to the side of the arena, getting my helmet in the process.  It's time to mount up.

I hop on and ride for about ten minutes, walking, trotting over poles and cantering on direction.  He seems fairly unbalanced to the left so I decide I'll try the other direction.  Before I do this though, I am feeling winded and hot so I stop and put the reins crossed over his withers in preparation to take my sweatshirt off.  Halfway through pulling off my sweatshirt, I realize I am doing a couple really stupid things.  First, you never let go off your reins on a young horse,  and number two, because I have not sufficiently "sacked out" my horse, taking a sweatshirt off, raising it over the head, would scare any horse into flight instinct. I could feel him with my legs starting to hunch but I had already jumped into the fire. Either I put the sweatshirt back on or finished taking it off. (This is all split-second decision making.)

I decided to take it the rest of the way off.  As my head came out of the opening, I could see Red's ears flicking back and him tossing his head a bit. I knew what was coming and reached for the very distant reins.  Too late. Two bucks later I was on the ground, face down.  I had landed on my hands and then chest.  My sweatshirt was halfway across the arena and my horse was loose.  My friend caught him and proceeded to give him a lesson while I shifted to my back wondering what was hurt.  When my head cleared, I could tell that I had landed pretty hard on my wrist but it didn't hurt yet.  Another friend brought me some Advil and some ice for my wrist which she wrapped with an Ace bandage.  I sat for a while until I felt like I could walk.

I got back on Red for a bit and then we packed up and went home.  My friend helped me a great deal during that process.  I went with my husband to get my wrist checked out: no broken bones! But my wrist was in pain so they gave me a brace.  I ended up playing my flute that night, though it was difficult, because I didn't want to let my harpist friend down. 

I have asked the Lord, what am I to learn from this experience? It seems like the thought I would get hurt wasn't a warning, just a matter of fact statement.  Part of me is afraid. This kind of information seems overwhelming.  I can understand how Oliver might have been afraid after having the opportunity to translate. But most of all, I want to know how to better communicate with God.  How can I use what I have learned to better this desire.  I will ponder on this.  Perhaps there will be a follow-up post.

The Light from Above

Before we came to earth, our Heavenly Father presented a majestic plan: the Great Plan of Happiness. God would create an earth in which we would dwell. We, His spirit children, were to go to earth, receive a body, and learn all that is needful, to be able to take all the necessary steps to return to our Father and become like Him. Our first parents, Adam and Eve, would pave the way for us to begin mortality. Blessed Eve, though she was deceived by that great serpent, set in motion the propagation of seed. Inevitably, we also, would make mistakes and because of our fallen nature would be unable to return to our Maker. But, because of our Father's great love for us, He also provided a Savior, Jesus Christ, who would atone for our sins, sorrows and heartache. As we utilize this power, by exercising faith, repenting of our sins and being baptized, we are washed clean again, through proper Priesthood authority. We enter at the gate of heaven, to continue forward, partaking of all necessary covenants to qualify for the Lord's presence predicated on our righteousness.

When we came to this earth as a child, we are sent to families of all sorts of circumstances, according to our Father's foreknowledge. We were not left alone.  Deep inside all of humanity, at the core of our being, rests a gift from our Eternal Father: the light of Christ.  This light is like the brilliant rays of the sun, streaming gently down from heaven, warming our hearts and lighting our minds.


This Light of Christ is our conscience. Each of us has the ability to judge right from wrong as we heed this influence. Moroni states in the Book of Mormon:

“The Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God. . . . And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged”

 (Moroni 7:16, 18).

There are times when our soul fleetingly touches an echo of a memory. Earth life seems foreign all of the sudden.  Perhaps we feel deep down that we are strangers here.  Maybe we groan inside for a deep satisfying love that remains unquenched. We yearn for understanding and enlightenment. Somehow we remember a supernal peace which has yet to be replicated. We are ever searching for these lost memories.

Suddenly from above, a ray of truth pierces your soul.

That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.

John 1:9

This light, the Light of Christ, speaks to our souls, igniting the flickering flame of faith. As we taste the goodness of this light we begin to desire more. We begin to remember the forgotten strains of hymns sung long ago as we listen to truth. We feel the warmth and long for forgotten arms to envelope our souls in a comforting embrace. We see the miraculous beauties that surround us, as we traverse each new day, and know they come from the Masterful Creator.  Our soul awakens, as we heed these quiet whisperings of truth.

There IS something more. This I testify.  This truth is contained in the gospel of Jesus Christ for ALL to partake of. His church IS restored in its fullness. We may have the constant companion of the Spirit if we so qualify. We CAN return to our Ever Loving Father. We just need to take the necessary steps.  I pray that we have the courage to do so, In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I believe in Christ

I cannot remember a time when I did not believe in Jesus Christ. I have had to deepen my knowledge and love through study but He has blessed me with experiences and tender mercies as well. I know He lives and watches over me.

The foundation of my belief began with the creation. As a child, I used to go outside in the morning and wander through the backyard enjoying the spring sun rays lighting up the tulips, daffodils and spring grass.  There was a little patch of violets and some wild roses. We had a little crab-apple tree and pear tree that I remember fertilizing because I thought that would make them grow better. At least make the crab-apples taste like juicy sweet apples?!

My mother gave me a plot in the family garden. I was so disappointed when my zinnias didn't grow very well (mine was in the shadier part).  My twin brothers plot was a miracle-grow commercial. We had a beautiful lilac tree that I would wait impatiently to bloom each spring. I knew every corner of our little yard. I would dig through the dirt examining the potato bugs, worms and slugs breathing in the warm scented air. We would play for hours on the tire awing, playing matchbox cars in the dirt and pretending we lived in the Amazon rainforest.

I would incessantly bug my parents for animals but they only conceded to hamsters. I would sneak cats into the house which inadvertently caused an nasty explosion in the flea population. My dad suffered through it silently. I would constantly dream of horses running through my backyard.  I had an imaginary horse named Sundusk that lived in the covered porch outside my second story room. He had beautiful flowing flaxen mane and tail contrasting with a chestnut body. Eventually (when I was all grown up) I was able to own cats, dogs, chickens, goats, and horses.

I knew these were gifts from above and I reveled in the beauty of God's creations.

I have always loved Spring because of the renewal of life and the increasing light that shines forth longer each day.  My spirits rise when it is sunny outside and my body is invigorated by the light.  Many times I have considered the solitary life bringing essence of the sun.  If there was one thing that I could choose to contemplate and know that God exists, it is simply the sun. The symbolism for Christ is inherent.

Sun: life bringer: Son
Sun: light: Son
Sun: warmth: Son
Sun: healer: Son
Sun: energy: Son
Sun: center: Son

The stars have also fascinated me and as I have learned more about them and the immensity of space, the billions of stars and millions of galaxies, my feeble mind can hardly comprehend the majesty of our great Creator. And His sole purpose?  Us!

For behold, this is my ^awork and my ^bglory—

to bring to pass the ^cimmortality and ^deternal ^elife of man. 

Moses 1:39

The following is an example of a tender mercy the Lord has given me:

written July 27, 2008

After I bought Romy, I toyed with the idea of breeding her. She has great bloodlines and a great temperament, as well as other good qualities. I waited for a few years after I purchased her to breed her, wanting my personal life to be less hectic (ie no tiny babies). After we bought the Ranch, there was a free space in the schedule and so I bred her to a nice palomino stud. I enjoyed dreaming of all the free time I would have to enjoy my horses. Then I did something stupid. I told God I was bored. . .
I found out I was pregnant in September '06. Not too much later, I called the doctor crying because I was bleeding. He had me schedule an ultrasound. To my utter amazement, not only was I still pregnant, but there were two. TWO pepperoni's. All my planning flew out the window. During the ensuing months, I tried to imagine how I would witness the birth of my foal (one of my greatest desires) knowing that my due date and my horses due date were about the same time.
Life continued. I got bigger. My mare got bigger. She ate, slept, drank and relaxed. I ate, drank, chased six kids, didn't sleep so well and got HUGE. I was put on modified bed rest starting my 28th week. Since I wasn't going to be able to do anything during that time, I made sure everything was taken care of beforehand, including cleaning the entire living room and shopping for another car-seat a few days before the deadline. I remember walking around babyrus thinking how much it hurt- not like the other babies of mine.
Needless to say, I must have been doing too much and my body started going into labor. Thankfully, my mother was at my house that Sunday night, helping out. Paul and I left for the hospital and the rest is history. Two cute little baby boys were born in the wee hours of the morning, eleven weeks too early. I remember leaving the hospital when I was checked out two days later, thinking: will I bring these little babies home? Paul and I were afraid.
I spent the next ten weeks going to the hospital once a day, pumping every three to four hours, trying to take care of my other wee ones and sometimes thinking about my little mare. At least, I thought, I won't be lugging a pregnant body down to the barnyard to foal watch. During this time, I pleaded with the Lord that my boys would be OK. I also asked God if it would be alright to see Romy's baby born. I wasn't sure if he heard me but I hoped I would be able to.
The last couple days before the boys came home were very busy. I was going to the hospital twice a day and would soon stay at the hospital two nights in a row. Bryce was also baptized the day before the boys came home. Oh, and Romy still hadn't foaled out. She was two weeks over her due date.
I would go out to check on her after I came home from the hospital and watch her for about half an hour before I would give up to try and get some sleep before the next pumping. I got to where I just told myself to expect a baby in the morning (the majority of foals are born during the night- a storm and full moon help too).
I spent the night at the hospital on Sat to practice taking care of the baby boys by myself. I had to give them their meds, keep an eye on their monitors and hook up oxygen for nursing, as well as change diapers and record vitals. I didn't sleep well that night. The next day I brought them home. This was a great relief to me but also stressful. I think I looked at my horse that day from the window. Nope, no foal.
Monday came. I juggled babies and kids and tried to start a routine with the new little ones. The babies happened to be sleeping and I was talking to Aunt Julia- Paul's aunt. I happened to be looking out the sliding glass door, watching my kids in the pasture, when suddenly, I became distracted from my phone call. Romy was acting funny. She was laying down! It was only 7 PM. I got off the phone and went to have a look. Lo and behold, my mare was in labor! We gathered the family together, called a few friends and went to watch this amazing moment.
A big colt was born about 45 minutes later.
Now the reason I wanted to share this story is because I believe this was a tender mercy given to me from the Lord. The miracle of the story is that Romy gave birth during the day when the boys were sleeping, it was warm and light out, and I was able to share it with my family and friends and I didn't miss it!! I also must mention how incredibly my little boys are doing. They are so healthy. 
I still am trying to figure out why it is that God gave me this moment. I think the biggest thing I learned from this is that God knows us each intimately. He knows our hopes and dreams. He has given me a memory to lean on when I have doubts and difficult moments. I know of a surety that he loves ME. I hope that the intent of this story is conveyed to you the reader and that it gives you a sense of hope. I also pray that each of you will know how much the Lord loves you. 
Now if I could always remember that feeling!

May we turn to the Lord and strengthen our faith in His merciful Plan of Salvation.
 I

Recent books I have read

The following is an open ended list of books and articles that I have read recently. These books have been especially meaningful.  I believe they have helped me and will continue to help me better myself. I will add beneficial books to this list as I read them.

 The Book of Mormon
This is a book I will continually read over and over again until its powerful message is etched forever in my soul.  As I read, I feel the Spirit testifying of the truthfulness of the revelations contained within.

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
This book gives one a glimpse of the strength of the simple truth, that we are all of great worth, and how one man internalized that truth and lived through enormous challenges becoming better because of it.

The Message  by Lance Richardson
This book had been in our house for quite a while (this man's son was on my son's football team) before I picked it up to read. From the moment I started to read, the Spirit flowed from the pages. It's message is powerful and helped me desire to become better.

What Happy People Know  by Dan Baker
This book is a life changer for those who grew up with faulty ideas on how to be truly happy.

The Disciplined Life by Richard Taylor
I read this book in book group.  It is a great reminder of how it is better to have discipline in life then to be tossed by the storms of life.

Behold the Lamb of God  by J. Reuben Clark
This book helps one to see the greatness of our Creator, Teacher, Redeemer and Advocate. It adds another facet to the multi-hued gem that is our Savior.

to be continued